Land Hurricanes
I recently watched The Day After Tomorrow. Let me tell you, THAT is an interesting film.
Reasons why this film entertained me:
(1) Global warming. This movie was… oh man. It was a piece of propaganda literature. The stage is set with the Antarctic shelf cracking down the middle because the globe is warming up.
Then, we pan over to Jack [the Harrison Ford-esque hero of our tale] who is warning the world’s leaders that global warming poses a serious threat to us all. We must act now to save the world! But the mean Vice President calls Jack’s thoughts silly and outdated. “We may have a fragile environment,” Mr. VP says, “but we also have a fragile economy.”
(2) A thin-as-crepe plot. One word: formulaic.
Jack’s predictions start coming true with extreme weather conditions all over the globe — tornadoes in California, hyper-blizzards in Europe, and tidal waves in New York. Jack warns the VP a few days later that it’s only going to get worse. But the VP tells him again, “You’re silly! And your thoughts are… are… OUTDATED!”
And then New York freezes. And Jack comes up with a plan: emigrate everyone to MEXICO!
Yes. Now we have some comic irony. The US is going to Mexico, and the only way Mexico will let us come over is if we agree to forgive them all of their debt to us. And so we do.
Canada is completely out of the picture by now. Nobody cares about Canada.
Oh, to cover up the fact that this film is all about global warming, we have the love story between Sam [Jack's son] and some girl that’s on his academic decathalon team.
The two of them fall so very in love inside of the New York Public Library with a few other people looking on. You have:
-The nerd.
-The feminists.
-The haughty-ta-ta big money white kid.
-The environmentalist.
-The hobo with street knowledge. And a dog.
This rag-tag band of heros is doing all it can, burning every piece of literature they can find, to survive. And then Jack’s dad comes up to save them…
On foot.
From Washington D.C.
While everyone going south has frozen to death.
Thinnnnnnnnn…
(3) Heavy-handedness. This is most evident in two things: what parts of the globe freeze, and the conversion experience.
Yes, my friends, conversion experience.
It’s not religious, no no no. But it’s every bit as contrived as what you’d see in most Christian film. The Vice President, who is so ridiculously and inconceivably dull-witted that he MUST have been written, suddenly realizes: “Hey! This might be because of global warming! And here I thought that global warming theory was silly… and outdated.”
And, when he becomes President because the Commander in Chief dies, his first address is akin to “I had a life-changing experience and found religion.”
Only plug in “environmentalism” for “religion.”
Oh, and then the globe freezing in certain areas. Okay, guys… if you thought this movie WASN’T about global warming and hating capitalism, let’s take a look at what part of the world freezes.
You have… oh! US/Canada. Oh, and Europe. And… uh… Russia… and JAPAN.
You know, the heart of world industry. The breeding grounds of capitalism.
And the globe freezing stops at the border of the United states and doesn’t touch Mexico, South America, or Africa.
I think… just maybe… that the filmmakers are trying to tell us something subtly. Maybe? Hm?
WE HATE THE WEST.
OH, WE HATE THE WEST!
HI-HO, AND CHERRY-OH,
OH WE HATE THE WEST.
(4) The special effects. This is the part of the movie that really got me interested in the first place. The special effects are wicked awesome. It was really cool to see tornadoes destroy the Hollywood sign.
And a billboard of a risque woman delete the life of a news reporter.
And the tidal waves flowing through New York City.
And the helicopter-freezing blizzards in Scotland.
And the Arctic shelf ripping in two.
These and many more.
Well, if you want to laugh, go watch The Day After Tomorrow. It is actually an enjoyable film, but on accident. The director wanted us to take pause and think. Instead I laughed uncontrollably.
It’s sort of like when someone is playing Scrabble and has seven letters which amount to jack-diddly, and he’s looking for a way to play for some major points, and then he gets frustrated and yells “ARGH, I can’t TAKE THIS ANYMORE!” and throws his letters onto the board, only to realize that they fell on a triple-word score and that he used all 7 and so he ends up getting a 300 point play.
On accident.
Success. For all the wrong reasons.
[die, the west]
-brian.b
